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Leave Them Wanting Less

by Plastic Jeezus

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Professionally printed CD in a full colour card sleeve. It is...we think you'll agree...very sexy.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Leave Them Wanting Less via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days

      £12 GBP or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      £10 GBP  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 8 Plastic Jeezus releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Leave Them Wanting Less, Utter Baubles, The Biscuit Song, Escape (The P. E. Song), Quite Heavy Things, Live at St. Pancras Old Church, Choose Your Own Misadventure, and EP2. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      £22.80 GBP or more (20% OFF)

     

1.
E For Effort 03:52
Every bike is a folding bike, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. And every door is a sliding door, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. But not every boat Is a gravy boat. (The buoyancy of Bisto) Every mower is a ride-on mower, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. And every zoo is a petting zoo, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. But not every Burger King Is a drive-through. (Flame-grilled carburetor) And it seems to me I’m probably not welcome there again. I made a hell of a mess And the manageress Said I should hang my head in shame. Every fish is a flying fish, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. And every bag is a sleeping bag, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. But not every bank Is a sperm bank. (He’s fathered many children) And it seems to me I’m probably not welcome there again. I made a hell of a mess And the manageress Said I should hang my head in shame. Every glass is a shot glass, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. And every computer is a laptop computer, You’ve just got to be prepared to put the effort in. But not every gun Is a tattoo gun. (It still looks like your mother) And it seems to me I’m probably not welcome there again. I made a hell of a mess And the manageress Said I should hang my head in shame. And not every song Has a satisfactory ending.
2.
I bought my son a pet giraffe. I thought it would be fun, Yeah, a bit of a laugh. And when we bought it It was fairly tall, Now that mother-f***er’s Seventeen feet tall. I bought my son a pet giraffe. I bought my son a pet crocodile. According to some That’s a bad gift for a child. But in the end It turned out OK ‘Cos it ate the giraffe Then it scampered away. I bought my son a pet crocodile. And I have no regrets When it comes to the purchase of these pets. Yeah, that’s just what you get When you’ve had a few glasses of wine And then go shopping on the Internet. I bought my son a pet blue whale. He’s always wanted one And – well – it was in the sale. But as pets go This one really sucked ‘Cos now the house smells funny And the fish tank’s f***ed. I bought my son a pet blue whale.
3.
Hold Music 03:30
Thank you for calling our hotline today, Please note you’ve been placed in a queue. Your call is important to us, So we say, But not so important we’ll actually put you through. So press 1 if your query relates to a bill, Press 2 if you’re seeking a loan, Press 3 if you’re gradually losing the will, Press 4 if you’d love us to pick up the phone, Press 5 to hear the options again. Now using your keypad Please enter the third, Fourth and twenty-ninth character Of your password, Which you set maybe seven or eight years ago And you can’t be expected to actually know. Please note that we may be recording your call For the purpose of training our staff. Try not to use any bad language at all. Yeah, and good luck with that, Once you’ve queued for an hour and a half. Now press 1 if your query relates to a bill, Press 2 if you’re seeking a loan, Press 3 if you’re fighting a strong urge to kill, Press 4 if you just want to get in your car, Drive down to the call centre, Smash down the door, And shout “ANSWER THE BLEEDIN’ PHONE”. Press 5 to hear the options again.
4.
Horse's Arse 02:22
I got my hand stuck in a horse's arse, I was running when I tripped and fell, And I lost the egg and I lost the spoon And I lost the race as well. Now I'm stood here by that horse's arse, Waiting impatiently For the horse to guff And release my stuff As I need the spoon to stir my tea. I got my foot stuck in a horse's arse, I was practicing my tai chi in the barn, And I lost my sock and I lost my shoe And I lost my inner calm. Now I'm stood here waiting by the horse's arse For a stupid amount of time, For my sock and shoe In a horse's poo, But the horse said "Now they're mine!". (Alright! Walk me to the glue factory, etc.) I got my head stuck in a horse's arse, It's an incident I'm trying to forget, For I lost my brand new spectacles And I lost my career as a vet. Now I'm stood here by that horse's arse My day isn't going as I planned. For I have to wait For my equine mate To plop my varifocals in my hand.
5.
From the monument I saw you I made a vowel That I would male you my wife You are the moist bountiful ladle That I’ve ever seen in my lift. My hands get sweary And my mouse get dry Every time we meet. The sight of your hair Flowing like sick Makes me heater skip a bear. You’re my angle from heaving Sent down from Dog To bring some joy to my world. You’re so inedible I’m glad you’re mint. Thank you for bring my grill. Bring my grill. You’re the wombat of my drains, The pettiest thing On the offside and within. The shape of your lips, The swag of your hippo, Your Perspex brown eyes And your skint. You’re my angle from heaving Sent down from Dog To bring some joy to my world. You’re so inedible I’m glad you’re mint. Thank you for bring my grill. Bring my grill. Then you said to me “Daring, I come bearding newts” And you said we were shaving a baby. Night moths layer our song was barn And it made a feather of me. Now we give by the seaside In a tree-bedroomed horse, Over-cooking the bay. I think I’m the hippiest man Clive And our growls strangler each day. You’re my angle from heaving Sent down from Dog To bring some joy to my world. You’re so inedible I’m glad you’re mint. Thank you for bring my grill. Bring my grill. Bring my grill. Bring my grill.
6.
Now Carol chose the tarot card The seven of swords, I said "That means you're gonna be The victim of a fraud". And I was right, as always, Though that wasn't too hard. Cos when she paid me I just cloned her credit card Cos I'm the fortune teller I can predict your future I never fail I guarantee 100% accuracy. So I read Billy's tealeaves And I told him things looked bleak. I said "You will be dead by the end of the week". But Billy was a cynic And he doubted me. But Billy didn't know about the arsenic in his tea. Cos I'm the fortune teller I can predict your future I never fail I guarantee 100% accuracy. Sally came to see me So I could read her palm. I said "Beware, it says right there you're gonna come to harm". She said I was a liar And that it was nonsense, but She won't get far in her stupid car with the brake cables cut. Cos I'm the fortune teller I can predict your future I never fail I guarantee 100% accuracy. I am the fortune teller I can predict your future I never fail I guarantee 100% accuracy.
7.
Mary's an Aries, She insists on telling everyone. She believes the stars dictate her fate Cos she read it on a page in the back of The Sun. Her husband grew so sick of it He said "I'm gonna pack my things and go". Mary rolled her eyes and sighed, "Textbook Scorpio". Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo. (The power of the stars can be used to explain us) Libra, Cancer, Pisces, John Virgo. (Are you Jupiter and Mars, or are you Saturn Uranus?) Steven's a Libran, He's got full faith in his horoscope. It made him what he is today: Miserable and broke. And Laura's a Taurus. She wastes her thyme burning sage. Her Venus is in retrograde (Which can happen to women of a certain age). Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo. (The power of the stars can be used to explain us) Libra, Cancer, Pisces, John Virgo. (Are you Jupiter and Mars, or are you Saturn Uranus?) Janet says the planets Speak to her in the way that they are aligned. The only message I can hear Is that Janet's clearly lost her mind. Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo. (The power of the stars can be used to explain us) Libra, Cancer, Pisces, John Virgo. (Are you Jupiter and Mars, or are you Saturn Uranus?)
8.
Have you seen the emu Dancing on the stage? I've never seen a large bird Move with so much grace. I wonder how they trained her To waltz in perfect time And I wonder if she will find love... Have you seen the donkey Standing on the ball? See the children laughing As donkey nearly falls. I wonder if he was born With balance so attuned And I wonder if he will find love... The beast extravaganza is in town. See the juggling penguin clowns. The beast extravaganza, finally here. But only twice a year... Have you seen the monkey Painting with his hands? A chimpanzee rennaissance Travelling the land. I wonder if he knows his Work is sold for coin And I wonder if he will find love... The beast extravaganza is in town. See the juggling penguin clowns. The beast extravaganza, finally here. But only twice a year... Have you seen the dodo The last one of her kind? Taken as an egg She was all they could find. I wonder if she knows She's the star of the show, But I know she never will find love. I know she never will find love. I know she never will... Find love.
9.
I bought safety pins to stick through my nose. (From the haberdashery aisle at Waitrose). I wanna smash the system, give the man a punch. (Then have smashed avocado on sourdough for brunch) Cos I wanted to be a punk But I'm far too middle class And my guitar shrunk. I've got The Buzzcocks, The Clash and the Undertones On a Spotify playlist on my new iPhone. I wanna rip my clothes and spike up my hair. (But the dress code at work insists on business wear). Cos I wanted to be a punk But I'm far too middle class And my guitar shrunk. Hey ho! Let's go! Hey ho! Let's go! Hey ho! Let's go! They've got quinoa on offer down at Tesco! Let's all get wrecked on super-strength lager! (But please use a coaster - and watch out for the Aga) I wanna get wrecked and go to parties. (But I mustn't forget to pick up my wife from Pilates). Cos I wanted to be a punk But I'm far too middle class And my guitar shrunk. Middle-aged dreams so hard to beat. Every time I drive down the street. I like Range-Rovers so I bought one. My wife uses it for the school run. Goodbye H&M.
10.
Lady Gaga sitting on a train, Dressed in a ballerina outfit again. Eating her lunch when she was heard to complain, "Oh no! I've split my cous-cous!" It was a Gaga faux-pas Sitting on a choo-choo Dressed in a tutu Cous-cous booboo. (Gaga faux-pas Sitting on a choo-choo Dressed in a tutu Cous-cous booboo) There's an all-night takeaway near me. They've got a table-tennis table and karaoke. Thought I'd give it a go, so I did some Jay-Z. I was wearing my favourite beach-shoes. It was a hip-hop sing-song, Dressed in my flip-flips, Down at the non-stop Ping pong chip-shop. (Hip-hop sing-song, Dressed in my flip-flips, Down at the non-stop Ping pong chip-shop) My wife went left me for another bloke On the day a big, tragic news story broke. He was a pilot and every time he spoke He said he loved drugs and Star Wars. So I said "Bye bye my wife" On the day that Di died. She left me for a sky-high Sci-fi fly-guy. ("Bye bye my wife" On the day that Di died. She left me for a sky-high Sci-fi fly-guy) Now Jennifer Lopez is being served a drink By some sort of monkey, I think. He plays a little woodwind and he gives a little wink As he hands her a cup of hot chocolate. (Now he's not very *good* at playing woodwind - but he tries, and that's what counts) So that was... J-Lo's cocoa Served by a bonobo Playing her a so-so Oboe solo. (J-Lo's cocoa Served by a bonobo Playing her a so-so Oboe solo) It was a Gaga faux-pas Sitting on a choo-choo Dressed in a tutu Cous-cous booboo. (Gaga faux-pas Sitting on a choo-choo Dressed in a tutu Cous-cous booboo) It was a hip-hop sing-song, Dressed in my flip-flips, Down at the non-stop Ping pong chip-shop. (Hip-hop sing-song, Dressed in my flip-flips, Down at the non-stop Ping pong chip-shop) I said "Bye bye my wife" On the day that Di died. She left me for a sky-high Sci-fi fly-guy. ("Bye bye my wife" On the day that Di died. She left me for a sky-high Sci-fi fly-guy) J-Lo's cocoa Served by a bonobo Playing her a so-so Oboe solo. (J-Lo's cocoa Served by a bonobo Playing her a so-so Oboe solo)

about

Our second studio album.

Songs range from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous.

If you purchase the whole album, you'll also get access to two exclusive bonus demo tracks ('Pizza Wrap - Featuring Opera-lele' and 'B.B.').

credits

released February 7, 2022

All tracks written and performed by Plastic Jeezus.
Piano on My Angle by Nick Harvey.
Trumpet on The Fortune Teller by George Bartle.
Vocals on 'Pizza Wrap (Demo) by Opera-lele.
Mixed by Aaron Roberts.
Tracks 1-10 Mastered by Dave Holder.
Cover photo by Jenni Fernand.

Thanks to Lucy, Jenni, Jack and Katie. x

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Plastic Jeezus Bournemouth, UK

Hello, we're Plastic Jeezus. We play funny tunes about silly things and we live in Bournemouth. Our names are Aaron and Simon.

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