Get all 8 Plastic Jeezus releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Leave Them Wanting Less, Utter Baubles, The Biscuit Song, Escape (The P. E. Song), Quite Heavy Things, Live at St. Pancras Old Church, Choose Your Own Misadventure, and EP2.
1. |
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Tracy from Health and Safety
Is drinking flaming shots
With the other young ladies
And Craig the first aider
Is giving mouth to mouth
To a fella in the corner.
It's the office Christmas party
And everybody's here...
At the office Christmas party.
It's the best night of the year.
Hector, the director
Has downed eight points
Of the amber nectar
And Gretchen from reception
Is in trap three
In the ladies', retchin'.
It's the office Christmas party
And everybody's here...
At the office Christmas party.
It's the best night of the year.
And the D.J. played
The one by Slade
And they all sang along
Cos when you're that pissed
You just can't resist
A fun-filled, festive song.
Yeah the D.J. played
The one by Slade
And they all sang along
It's only just begun...
Tina, the cleaner,
Was dancing so dirty
She couldn't have been obscener
While Ruby, the newbie,
Is sat on Hector's lap
And she's rolling up a doobie.
It's the office Christmas party
And everybody's here...
At the office Christmas party.
It's the best night of the year.
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2. |
Finally Feeling Festive
03:06
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Tomorrow's Christmas Eve
And Ken could not believe
How many people
Were at the shops.
He didn't want to queue
So he tasered one or two
And some do-gooder
Went and called the cops.
So now they're on their way
And he called his Mum to say
"Mum - before I get arrested,
Strange as it may be
It's just occured to me
That I'm finally feeling festive".
Am argument broke out
When Grandma said the sprouts
Were a little under-done.
Then Dad said something rude
And fisticuffs ensued
And, as usual, Grandma won.
So now the family's
Sat slumped round the T.V.
And their food's barely digested,
But in spite of Ken's black eyes
I think he's realised
That he's finally feeling festive.
He says:
"You won't find me dance with glee
As I put up my Christmas tree.
I don't really like eggnog
Or watching Love, Actually.
I don't really give a f***
About the Coca Cola truck.
No - Christmas time means something else to me".
Now Christmas Day has gone
But the side-effects rage on
And there's a pounding
Inside his head.
It feels like once again
There's not blood inside his veins
It's all cheese,
Mince pies and port instead.
Today his only goal
Was to hug the toilet bowl
And he's met his main objective
But he gives a little grin
As he wipes chunks from his chin
Cos he's finally feeling festive.
Finally feeling...festive.
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3. |
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Merry Christmas to my cat
On this frosty morning
Merry Christmas to my cat
Upon his cushion yawning
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this holy day.
Christmas with my dearest friend
Be joyful and be gay.
A festive breaking of our fast
Me and my furry friend.
Kippers and an Irish cream
The morning we shall spend
Being merry and quite comfortable
Inside from the cold
And we'll sit around the fire
Singing yuletide songs of old
Like
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this frosty morning
Merry Christmas to my cat
Upon his cushion yawning
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this holy day.
Christmas with my dearest friend
Be joyful and be gay.
Ho diddle diddle diddle ho diddle bum
Diddle ho diddle diddle diddle bum.
Ho diddle diddle diddle ho diddle bum
Diddle ho diddle diddle diddle bum.
A jolly lunch of roasted goose
With vegetables and wine
In our paper hats with gravy
In our whiskers we shall dine
And once we're full and satisfied
We'll amble to the lounge.
And sit around the fire
Exchanging gifts and merry sounds
Like
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this frosty morning
Merry Christmas to my cat
Upon his cushion yawning
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this holy day.
Christmas with my dearest friend
Be joyful and be gay.
And so the evening closes in,
The biscuit tin is bare.
He's curled up on my lap asleep
Here on my favourite chair
I sip my brandy as he dreams
And wonder if his purrs
Are memories of the songs we sung
The holiest of verse
Like
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this frosty morning
Merry Christmas to my cat
Upon his cushion yawning
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this holy day.
Christmas with my dearest friend
Be joyful and be gay.
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this frosty morning
Merry Christmas to my cat
Upon his cushion yawning
Merry Christmas to my cat
On this holy day.
Christmas with my dearest friend
Be joyful and be gay.
Ho diddle diddle diddle ho diddle bum
Diddle ho diddle diddle diddle bum.
Ho diddle diddle diddle bum diddle bum
Diddle ho diddle diddle diddle bum.
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4. |
The Holby and the I.V.
03:58
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"I've never used one of these things before
But how difficult could it be?"
He says, as he holds up a rusty chainsaw
And he rollerblades up to the tree.
"This one will look good in the lounge"
He says to his kids gathered round
But he stops when he hears the sound
Of voices singing
"Christmas time in Holby.
There's blue flashing lights round the tree.
Christmas time in Holby.
Where the choir sings in A&E"
Nearby there's the annual Christmas parade
The school-children all watch it pass.
The floats have, of course, been precariously made
With scaffolding and sheets of glass.
The children don't know that, of course.
They run up to greet Santa Claus
But they're given reason to pause
When they hear singing...
"Christmas time in Holby.
There's blue flashing lights round the tree.
Christmas time in Holby.
Where the choir sings in A&E"
"It's been a tough day
Though it could've been worse".
Says the medic, as she leaves the scene.
Then she puts the ambulance into reverse
And sailing into the ravine.
The onlookers all stand and stare
As the vehicle flies through the air.
Then suddenly - out of nowhere
The sound of singing...
"Christmas time in Holby.
There's blue flashing lights round the tree.
Christmas time in Holby.
Where the choir sings in A&E"
"Christmas time in Holby.
There's blue flashing lights round the tree.
Christmas time in Holby.
Where the choir sings in A&E"
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5. |
Merry Christmas Everyone
03:34
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Plastic Jeezus Bournemouth, UK
Hello, we're Plastic Jeezus. We play funny tunes about silly things and we live in Bournemouth. Our names are Aaron and Simon.
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